Game Night on the TARDIS
by cheri1
Summary: 10Rose. The Doctor, Rose, and Mickey decide to take a break for one evening by playing various board games.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Rose smiled, as she finished pouring the can of salsa into a small bowl. She reached over into a bigger bowl and grabbed a nacho chip. Eating it, she walked over to the refrigerator in the TARDIS's kitchen, opened it, got out the bottles of Coke, Diet Coke, 7-UP, and Mountain Dew, and set them on the counter.

After their latest adventure, defeating the clockwork robots, the Doctor decided that they needed to take a break. Rose proposed a game night where she, him, and Mickey would just sit and play games, eat, and have fun. The Doctor and Mickey agreed. They were downstairs getting things ready in the game room while she was upstairs preparing the snacks.

As she went back to rummaging through the fridge, she felt a hand on her shoulder and smiled when she saw the Doctor behind her.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"It's going good. I'm just getting everything together," Rose said to him.

The Doctor smiled.

"Did you find the burgers and chips I ordered earlier?" he asked.

Rose pointed to three white sacks sitting over on the kitchen table.

"Good," the Doctor said, nodding.

He gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"This whole game night was a great idea," he said, as he walked over and picked up the sacks. "I have a bunch of games that I brought a long time ago, but I've never gotten to play any of them. They've just been sitting there in a closet gathering dust until tonight." 

"You've never played any games before?" Rose asked. 

"Oh, I played Gallifreyan games when I was a child, of course. But Earth games…no, this will be a whole new experience for me."

"So why did you get them then if you weren't gonna play them?" Rose asked.

"Oh, I always meant to play them at some point. It's just that I've always been so busy and whenever there was time to take a breather, I and my other companions would be so exhausted, we would forget they were there. If you hadn't found them and mentioned to me, I wouldn't have remembered they were there," he said. "I'm glad you did. I'm always up for a mental challenge…as long as I win of course."

"Of course," Rose said, rolling her eyes.

The Doctor chuckled and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Leave some of the drinks for me. I'll get them after I take these bags downstairs," he said, nodding at the bottles of soda.

Rose nodded.

He grinned at her.

"Blimey, with all this food, I'm gonna gain a ton of weight tonight," he said.

Rose shrugged. 

"Well, you are kinda slim. I think you could do with a bit of beefing up," she said, winking at him.

The Doctor snorted.

"Um…There's a big difference between beefing up and pigging out to the point of looking like Shamu the killer whale," he said. "I would like to remain somewhat skinny, so I will be able to escape if a monster chases me."

"Well, you weren't quite so skinny in your last life, you know."

"Yes, but I wasn't obese either, if you remember," the Doctor replied. 

"No, because most of the weight you had on ya was in your ears and nose."

Rose giggled, as the Doctor eyed her. 

"N'yuk, N'yuk. Hardy har har," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

Rose giggled, as the Doctor shot her a look and left the kitchen, muttering under his breath. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rose entered the game room and sat the last of the soda bottles down next to the other food on a small card table. Nearby another card table had been set up, and a stack of games sat near it.

"So what do we play first?" Mickey asked.

"Well, hold on, do we want to play a game or eat first?" Rose asked.

The Doctor shrugged.

"It's up to you. I can eat and play at the same time if that's what you want to do," he said. "And as for choice of games, I've never played any of them before, so I really don't care; whatever you guys want to play is fine with me." 

Rose looked at Mickey.

"What do you want to do?" 

"I'm the same way. I can eat and play something at the same time," he said shrugging.

Rose nodded.

"Me too."

"Well, then you go ahead and pick out a game and I'll start getting the food set up for us," the Doctor said. 

Rose nodded, and she and Mickey walked over to the pile of games, while the Doctor got their food.

"What you wanna play first, Mickey?" Rose asked, looking at the choices.

"Doesn't matter, Rose, pick something."

Rose looked down the pile reading the game titles. She paused when she got halfway through the stack.

"Hang about."

Mickey looked at her. 

"What?" he asked.

Rose spun around and walked over to the Doctor, as Mickey stared at her in confusion.

"Hey," she said, poking him in the arm.

The Doctor paused and looked at her.

"Yes?"

"Why in the world do you have Snakes and Ladders in your game collection?" she asked.

The Doctor stared at her.

"What? That isn't a good game?" he asked.

Rose giggled.

"What?"

"Doctor, that's for little kids," she said.

The Doctor shrugged. 

"I didn't know that. I just brought it because it looked interesting."

"Well, didn't it look childish to you? The front of the game has cartoon snakes on it. Didn't that kinda clue you in that the game wasn't for adults?"

The Doctor shrugged.

"No, I just liked the name. I love snakes and I love ladders. They're fun," he said.

"Geez," Rose muttered, as she walked back to the stack of games.

"Well, I'm so sorry miss Tyler that I didn't have you around to help me pick out my games," the Doctor said to her. "I think the fact that I'm not even from your planet is a good enough reason to forgive me for making the grievous faux pas of buying a game intended for children. Now, hurry up and pick out a game, before I take these chips and cram them somewhere unpleasant on your person," he said. 

"Mak Nabok," Rose spat out.

She giggled, as the Doctor turned and glared at her.

"Alright, that will be quite enough of your potty mouth, Ms. Tyler," he said, wagging a finger at her.

Mickey stared at Rose.

"What was that?" he asked.

Rose grinned at him.

"I just told the Doctor to go to hell in Gallifreyan," she said.

Mickey raised his eyebrows.

"You know his language?" he asked. 

"Some of it. The Doctor has taught me a few words and phrases. Isn't that right, you big, ol' sheezak?"

The Doctor turned and eyed her, as Rose giggled insanely.

"I'm gonna go get some soap and wash your mouth out in a moment," he said to her.

"Aw, don't get upset. I can't help it if I'm good at remembering what you taught me," she said. "If you didn't want me to know your language, you shouldn't have taught me how to speak it, you big fat skok."

She laughed, as the Doctor sighed. He stared at her for a moment and then a smirk spread over his face.

"Na shamon cal amma shaltek," he said. 

His smirked widened, as Rose stopped laughing and stared at him in shock.

"Oooo," the Doctor said gleefully. "That hit a nerve."

Rose folded her arms over her chest.

"Ne onma sheza taltros," she replied.

The Doctor put his hands on his hips and eyed her, as Rose gave him a triumphant grin. He smirked.

"Sha yunna zorab," he taunted.

Rose gasped.

"Oh yeah? Bok tantos nabok."

"Zo latara manos," the Doctor countered.

"She faltros zora cal shek."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows at that.

"Oh yeah?" he said. "Well…Bo shaka mala pak."

"Um…excuse me, but could you guys please go back to speaking English?"

Rose and the Doctor paused and looked over at Mickey who was staring at them with utter confusion. They looked at one another and fell over laughing.

"Um…sorry, Mickey forgot you were there for a moment," the Doctor said.

"Yeah, I'm getting that a lot lately," Mickey replied.

He rolled his eyes, as the Doctor and Rose looked at each other and burst out laughing.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"So, what are we playing first?" the Doctor asked, as he brought the plates of food over to the card table.

Rose smiled.

"I thought we'd start with Clue. It's one of my favorites," she said.

The Doctor nodded.

"Sounds interesting," he said.

"It is. It's really fun and you have to solve a mystery which should be right up your alley," Rose replied.

The Doctor perked up.

"Then I shall definitely like this one," he said.

He held his hand out, as Rose opened up the box.

"Hand me the instructions, so I can look them over please," he said.

Rose handed him the instruction booklet, and she and Mickey set up the game board, as the Doctor read through the instructions quietly.

Rose glanced up at the Doctor.

"You get what you have to do?" she asked.

The Doctor looked at her with a smug grin.

"Of course, I have no trouble following instructions with my superior intelligence," he said. "I can read something once and remember it. It's a special talent of mine."

Rose rolled her eyes, as he grinned and went back to reading.

"Doesn't that get annoying when he does that?" Mickey asked.

Rose shook her head.

"Nah, you get used to it," she replied. "I've been around him so long I'd be worried if he didn't talk that way."

"Can I help it if I'm proud of my superior species and all they've accomplished?" the Doctor muttered, as he kept on reading.

"Yeah, but you know you don't have to keep rubbing it in our faces," Rose countered. "We got that we're stupid apes the first time you said it. We didn't need to hear it a thousand more times after that."

"Oh I beg to differ," the Doctor said, looking up from the booklet. "For instance, on this last adventure we had, I seem to recall telling you at one point to stay put; and what do you do? You run off, get captured and nearly end up having your body parts strewn around the ship. Now seeing as you can't seem to follow a simple command when I give it I will again for the thousandth and one time refer to you both as stupid apes. And, until further notice, I will keep calling you stupid apes until you both prove to me that you have intelligence far surpassing that of your species. And…knowing how you humans are, rest assured I will not be holding my breath while I wait for that day."

He handed the booklet back to Rose.

"Intriguing game, this," He said. "I'm definitely ready to play."

"I'm not. I have a question for ya," Mickey said.

The Doctor raised his eyebrow, as he stared at him.

"A question…for me?" he asked slowly.

Mickey folded his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, I have a question about the whole stupid ape thing," he said.

The Doctor glanced at Rose.

"Dare I ask what his question is?" he asked her.

Rose giggled.

"Yeah, go for it," she said.

The Doctor looked at Mickey.

"Okay, Mickey-boy, what is this question you have?"

"You keep calling us stupid apes," Mickey began.

"Yeeeeeeah…" the Doctor said, with an exaggerated nod.

"What are you then?"

The Doctor stared at him with wide eyes.

"I'm…the…Doctor," he said slowly.

"No, I mean what are you? If we're apes, then what does that make you?" Mickey replied.

"That…makes…me…better…than…you," the Doctor said, very slowly, as Rose giggled.

Mickey sighed, as the Doctor shot Rose a look.

"No, where did you come from?" he asked.

"Um…offhand…I'd say I came out of a loom approximately 900 years ago on a planet called Gallifrey," the Doctor replied. "Any other burning questions you have there, Smith?"

Mickey let out an exasperated sigh, as the Doctor winked at Rose.

"No…if humans evolved from apes, then what did you evolve from?" he asked.

He looked around melodramatically, as Rose bent over laughing. He looked back at Mickey and leaned in closer.

"Nothing. I was made in a loom," he said in a loud stage whisper.

Mickey glared at him, as he put his finger to his lips.

"Shhhhh, don't let that tidbit get out of this TARDIS. My enemies might use it against me, somehow," He whispered to him.

Mickey glared at him, as The Doctor and Rose snickered.

"No!" Mickey said angrily. "I mean…"

"Oh for heaven's sake, Mickey, I know what you mean. I'm not dense."

"Well, what are you then?"

"I don't know. I have no idea what animal my people originally evolved from. Happy?"

"How come you don't know?"

The Doctor shot Rose an exasperated look. He looked back at Mickey.

"Because unlike you lot, my species had more important things to think about than what thing we evolved from. We were more concerned with matters like managing time and space. Now I'm sorry I can't tell you with any certainty what I would have looked like had I been born several billion years ago, but you're just gonna have to accept that I don't know. Now, are we gonna play this game or not?"

"Well, then, if you don't know has it ever occurred to you that you might be a stupid ape too?"

"No, I'm definitely not a stupid ape."

"How do you know?"

The Doctor looked at Rose.

"Our foods cold now, isn't it? "

"Probably," Rose replied, giggling.

The Doctor shook his head and rolled his eyes, as Rose patted his hand sympathetically.

"How do you know you're not an…"

"Because Mickey, there were no primates on Gallifrey," The Doctor said angrily. "No monkeys, no gorillas, and definitely no apes. Nada, zip, zero, zilch! So, if I evolved from one, then I'm an absolute freak of nature, because I evolved from a species my people had no idea existed until they learned about Earth."

He held up his hand, as Mickey opened his mouth.

"I even know what the next question is going to be. I resemble a human being because I choose to look like one when I regenerated. I have the option of doing that, and I prefer the human form because I like your kind…for the most part. I certainly don't like you when you pester me with stupid questions that drive me to distraction and make me mad. And what do you know, at this very moment, rage is slowly bubbling up inside me because of sitting here enjoying a board game and eating my meal, I am forced to sit here and listen to you play alien anthropologist, as you try to discover the Gallifreyan missing link or something. Now, I'm tired, and I'm sure Rose is too. So, I'm telling you now, Smith. Either stop playing 20 questions, eat your meal, and play this game, or I'll be dropping your butt off among the Slitheen, and you can have fun trying to figure out what they evolved from, while at the same time trying to keep from getting killed. Now what'll it be? The game or a fact-finding mission on Raxacoricofallipatorius? Your choice."

"The game," Mickey said.

"Good. I'm glad. Then, let's get to it, shall we?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"So, what do we do first?" the Doctor asked, settling back in his chair.

"Well, who do you want to be?" Rose asked, indicating the game pieces.

Doctor shrugged.

"Doesn't matter to me. Pick one," he said.

Rose grinned and picked up the red game piece.

"Okay, you can be Miss Scarlett then."

The Doctor paused with his burger in mid-air.

"I can be who?" he asked her.

"Miss Scarlett. That's who the red game piece represents."

She giggled, as the Doctor eyed her.

"Hey, you said to go ahead and pick one," she said.

"Well, if there are gender assignments to these pieces I would appreciate if you picked a male one," he said.

"Well, we have Mister Green, Professor Plum, and Colonel Mustard," she said.

The Doctor thought for a moment.

"Professor Plum. I like purple," he said.

Rose handed him the piece, and he sat it on the board in front of him.

"Mickey?" she said.

"Give me Colonel Mustard."

"Well, as for me, I'll be Miss Scarlett," she said, taking the red piece and setting it in front of her.

She looked over, as the Doctor chuckled.

"What?" she asked.

"When you said that, an image of you in Gone with the Wind popped in my head." He said. "I can just imagine you in one of the dresses they used to wear. You'd be bitchin' and moanin' the entire time."

"Actually, if you really wanna make Rose really uncomfortable, why don't you go somewhere where the woman don't wear much kit?" he asked.

The Doctor grinned evilly, as Rose stared at Mickey, horrified.

"That's a good idea, Smith. There is one place I know of. A planet named Balicorius where woman by law have to go around with just a tiny loincloth on. I think that'll be the perfect place to take Rose."

The Doctor and Mickey giggled, as Rose's mouth fell open.

"Don't you dare take me there!" she said, as Mickey and the Doctor chortled.

"Why not? If you can handle wearing a lot of clothes, surely you wouldn't have a problem not wearing much of anything."

He grinned evilly.

"Besides, Mickey and I would enjoy the view."

He and Mickey fell about laughing while Rose glared at them.

The Doctor looked at Mickey.

"You notice she's gone quiet," he said, gesturing to her.

"Yeah, cause she knows you'll do it," Mickey said.

"That I would."

The Doctor and Mickey snickered when Rose rolled her eyes.

"Would ya just roll the bloody dice so we can see who goes first?" she asked.

She sighed, as the Doctor handed her the dice.

"Men…" she muttered, as the Doctor and Mickey looked at each other and giggled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Doctor took a bite of his hamburger while the three of them took turns rolling the dice to see who went first. Rose smiled when she got the highest number. Picking up a chip, she munched on it, as she rolled the dice and moved her piece four spaces along the game board.

The Doctor took a sip of Coke, as he rolled and moved six spaces. He munched on a chip while Mickey rolled and moved five spaces. They continued to roll and move their pieces until Rose finally came to the lounge and went inside.

"Right," she said." Now I have to suggest a person and a weapon to go with this room, and if you guys have any of the things I mention in your cards, show one of them to me, and we'll check them off on our little game pads."

She sat and thought for a moment while Mickey and the Doctor munched on their food.

Rose smiled, as she brought the Doctor's game piece into the lounge.

"I think it was Professor Plum…"

"Me?" the Doctor said incredulous. "I'm innocent."

Rose snorted.

"Sure ya are," she said.

The Doctor poked her in the side while she stared at the assortment of weapons.

"Okay…I'll say," Rose said, reaching for a weapon. "I'll say Professor Plum, in the Lounge, with the Revolver."

She glanced at the Doctor who examined his cards. He smiled when he held up the revolver card. Rose nodded, and all of them marked it off on their game pads.

The Doctor reached for his piece. Rose stopped.

"No, you leave it if someone puts it in a room." She said.

"Oh." The Doctor replied, moving his hand back.

Rose stared at him.

"I thought you said you could remember everything when you read the rules," she said, smirking

"Oh I did remember. But then, Mickey mentioned taking you someplace where you would be naked for all intents and purposes, and the thought of your breasts flapping in the breeze on Balicorius interfered with my mind and caused me to blank out on the rules."

Rose glared at him while Mickey and the Doctor bent over laughing.

"I am so gonna strangle you Mickey for putting that in his mind," Rose said, to him.

"Aw, don't worry, Mickey. When we get to Balicorius she'll be too busy using her hands to cover her breasts up to strangle you," he said to him.

Rose glared at them while the Doctor kissed her cheek.

"Anyway," the Doctor said, ignoring Rose's look of death. "I believe it's my turn."

He paused for a moment, as he stared at his game piece. Then, with a sigh, he leaned back.

"Okay, Mickey, go," he said.

Rose frowned.

"You didn't go anywhere," she said, gesturing to his piece.

"Nope. And I'm not gonna go anywhere either."

"Why?"

The Doctor gestured to her piece that was right beside his.

"Because you're in the room, so therefore, I am staying where I can keep an eye on you."

He giggled when Rose shot him a look.

"Doctor, move," she said, exasperated.

"No, I won't move an inch. If there's a murderer in the house, I'm not gonna go off and leave you to his mercy."

He and Mickey giggled, as Rose rolled her eyes.

"What? Any other time you would want my protection," the Doctor said to her.

"Move, Doctor."

"But Rose, there's a maniac loose in the house."

"Move, Doctor."

"What if I go somewhere else, and the murderer jumps out of the shadows behind you and hurts you, and I won't be able to get back to you in time because I'm somewhere else?"

"Move your bloody game piece, Doctor!" Rose said exasperated.

The Doctor grinned, gave a shrug and picked up the dice.

"Okay, but if you get hit over the head with a two by four, don't come crying to me."

He paused and stared at the weapons.

"Oh, sorry, no two by four…a lead pipe then," he said, as Rose eyed him.

He rolled a three and moved out of the room. He turned his piece around pretending to look back at her.

"Don't worry, my Rose," he said, melodramatically. "I will stand guard here at the door in case that murdering bastard tries anything."

"Geez," Rose muttered, as he and Mickey giggled.

The Doctor looked at Mickey.

"Brave little Rose. She thinks she can hold off the murderer by herself," he said.

"Mickey, go, please! Don't encourage him." Rose said, as Mickey and the Doctor giggled.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The Doctor looked over, as Rose came back into the game room. She had taken a bathroom break and had gotten a fresh bowl of nachos. The Doctor groaned when she set the bowl of nachos down near them.

"Bloody Hell, I'm gonna bust a gut eating all this," the Doctor groaned. "I'm glad my TARDIS is huge. I'm probably gonna have to run the length of her about a hundred times to work all the calories off."

"Don't eat then. No one's asking ya too," Rose said.

The Doctor grinned.

"Ah, but that's part of the problem. Being around humans has gotten me used to your junk food. It's hard to remember it's bad for you when the food's so damn good."

He winked at Rose, as he dipped a nacho in cheese sauce and popped it into his mouth.

Rose shrugged.

"Your funeral," she said.

She smiled when the Doctor dipped another nacho in cheese sauce and popped it in her mouth.

"So, it's my turn, is it?" he asked, as Rose and Mickey nodded.

He stared down at the board. They had all moved their pieces a few times before Rose took her bathroom break, and he was now in the conservatory. He had used his last turn guessing one of the clues and was preparing to move out of the room. He stared at the room and leaned in, as he noticed tiny lettering at the back at the room.

"Secret passage to lounge," he muttered.

He looked at the lounge where Rose's piece was and looked back at his own piece.

"So, I can take this secret passage this turn?" he asked.

Rose nodded.

"Yeah, and you go into the lounge."

The Doctor nodded.

He picked up his piece and set it down inside the lounge.

"Okay," Rose said. "So now you have to suggest…"

"Rose Tyler, we meet again."

Rose looked at the Doctor who had a goofy expression plastered on his face. She looked down and saw he was moving his piece up and down in front of Rose's piece.

"At last we are alone, my dear," he said, moving his piece as if it were talking to Rose's piece.

"Oh God, Doctor," Rose said, exasperated as Mickey giggled. "Will you please go?"

The Doctor snickered, as he moved his piece closer to Rose's. Rose rolled her eyes when he mimed kissing her piece.

"Oh my darling, are you safe?" he said, as Mickey laughed.

He grabbed Rose's piece and moved it up and down.

"Yes, my Doctor," he said in a high-pitched voice. "I feel so much better now that you're here."

"Of course, you do," the Doctor said in his normal voice, as he moved his piece up and down. "I am your protector. I will always defend your cute body from any threat."

"Oh Doctor," he said, switching to Rose's piece. "I don't know what I would've done without you. My life was total shite until you and your hunky bod waltzed into my life. If it wasn't for you, I would be probably flipping burgers by day and dancing topless by night to make ends meet."

Rose eyed him, as Mickey snorted out laughter.

"Ha ha, Doctor, will you please go now?"

The Doctor looked at her.

"Give me a minute. I'm not finished."

He grinned and looked back down at the board, as Rose rolled her eyes.

"That's right, my faithful assistant!" he said, moving his piece up and down. "I saved you from a life of doing mediocre filing work, and birthing babies, and showed you the universe instead. I am your god. Worship me!"

Rose glared at him, as he snickered.

"Oh Doctor, you are my god," he continued in his high-pitched voice. "I bow to your superior Gallifreyan genes. I am a pile of scum next to your alien genius."

Rose let out an exasperated sigh when the Doctor took Rose's piece and mimed her bowing to his piece as he chanted, Oooo-ee-oo, ee-oo-um, repeatedly.

Rose looked at Mickey.

"See what you got yourself into when you volunteered to come on board?" she asked.

"And now my willing companion. Enough with the worship. It's time for a little moonlight tryst in the lounge."

Rose stared at the Doctor with wide eyes.

"Moonlight tryst?" she said to him.

Her eyes widened more as the Doctor quickly shushed her and went back to his play-acting. Rose sighed, put her elbow up on the table, and put her head in hand, as Mickey laughed hysterically.

"I have a feeling this one game's gonna take all bloody night," she muttered to Mickey.

"Oh Doctor, we shouldn't," the Doctor continued in his high-pitched voice. "There's a maniac loose in here."

"Nonsense, my little fairy cake, we always have time for a quick one before we throw ourselves in the face of danger."

He snickered, as he noticed Rose staring at him with bulging eyes. He grinned at her, as Mickey bent over laughing.

"Oh Doctor, we mustn't," the Doctor said, looking back down at the game pieces. "I'm just a lowly ape, and you are God's gift to the universe. How can I ever hope to satisfy you?"

Rose shot him a look of death when the Doctor giggled.

"I think that's quite enough, Doctor," she said to him.

The Doctor giggled.

"I know you can never hope to satisfy me completely, my little cutie buns," he said, moving his piece up and down. "But I can satisfy you. After all, there is that old saying…Once you go Gallifreyan; you'll leave the bed a brayin'"

"Okay, I think that's quite enough!" Rose said, snatching her piece from his hands, as Mickey and the Doctor died laughing.

"What, Rose? You're always telling me to lighten up and have some fun," the Doctor said, shrugging.

"Yes, but I don't want this one game to last four hours listening to you making crude sexual suggestions and putting me down using my game piece. Now please go before I follow my mum's example and slap the shit outta ya!"

The Doctor's eyes widened in fear, as Rose raised her eyebrow.

"Okay, knowing your mum, I guess I better stop because I'm sure you're just as brutal with your slaps as she is."

"Too bloody right, I am, mister," Rose said. "Now go."

"Yes, Rose," the Doctor said, as he picked up his game pad and searched through it.

Mickey giggled, as Rose glared at the Doctor.

"Ah man, you are whipped," he said.

He shut his mouth when the Doctor gave him a look of death. He looked back down at his game pad.

"Well, let's see, I guess I'll say it's…Mrs. White in the kitchen with the rope."

He glanced at Mickey. Mickey thumbed through his cards and shook his head. He raised his eyebrows and looked over at Rose. She looked through her cards and held up the Mrs. White card. Everyone noted it on their game pads. As Mickey picked up the dice, the Doctor leaned over to Rose.

"You're not mad at me, are ya?" he whispered to her.

Rose sighed.

"Nah, I just wanted you to go, and I got angry when you just sat there and fooled around."

"Well, I'm just trying to joke around. Isn't that what you do with friends? Joke around and act silly?"

Rose thought for a moment and then nodded. The Doctor kissed her cheek.

"Well, that's what I was doing. I was just goofing off and trying to make this game night fun. Especially since we don't get to have fun that often."

Rose smiled.

"I know," she whispered back.

The Doctor smiled.

"Well, I know my last life wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs, so I'm trying to change that as much as I can," he said.

Rose leaned her head into his, as he kissed her temple.

"I love you," she whispered. "Even though you're irritating sometimes; you do still manage to be cute."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows and grinned. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and held her hand under the table while he and Rose both turned their attention back to the game.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Rose sighed.

"Doctor, will you please go?" she said, as he studied his checklist. "It's been ten bleedin' minutes. Go!"

"Just a minute, Rose, I think I know who did it, and I'm checking my calculations," he said, angrily.

He folded the checklist and shoved it under the game board.

"Very well, I will guess the murderer's identity."

"'Bout bloody time," Rose muttered.

The Doctor picked up the manila folder.

"So, I just check in here, then?"

"Yes, you tell us what you think it is, check to see if you're right without telling any of us what's in there, and if you are right, you win the game," Rose said.

The Doctor gave her a smug grin.

"Well, before I win, I'd just like to say what a pleasure it has been playing this game. I love a good mystery, and this game has allowed me to use my superior Time Lord brain to solve---"

"Go, Doctor!" Rose said, exasperated. 

"Alright, I believe that no murder actually took place."

Rose and Mickey stared at him.

"What'd you mean by that?" Mickey said.

"I mean that Mister Boddy is not dead. He is alive, and well, and hiding in the house."

"What?" Rose said.

"You heard me. Mister Boddy faked his own death in order to collect on the insurance money. He is lying in wait somewhere in this house, waiting until the coast is clear, so he can collect his check, cash it and spend it. Then, he will retire to the Virgin Islands where he will spend the rest of his life lounging on the beach, sipping margaritas and thanking God he was blessed with a brilliant mind."

Rose sighed.

"You can't say that, Doctor."

"Why can't I? It's what I think. I just know the sneaky bastard is in this house somewhere, probably hiding behind a potted plant. All these people are probably his relatives. He's probably gonna off them before they figure out he's alive."

Rose looked at Mickey.

"See, he just complicates every thing, Mickey."

"I am not complicating anything. I am thinking outside the box."

"You're gonna think, outside the box, when I open the front door and make you hang on to the side of the TARDIS. Maybe that will teach you to follow the rules of the game."

"I am following the rules! It says you have to figure out the solution, and I did. I can't help it if you don't agree with my assessment! And, may I remind you just whose TARDIS this is? Throw me out of my own TARDIS, indeed."

"Just go, Doctor, and give us a proper answer, before I shove a nacho up your nose!" Rose said. 

She rolled her eyes at Mickey, as the Doctor let out an indignant grunt. 

"Very well, since you won't accept my answer, I will go with my second hunch and say it's Miss Scarlet in the conservatory with the lead pipe."

"That's better," Rose muttered.

He blew on the open end of the folder and pinched the sides, opening it. He reached in, got the cards, and Rose and Mickey watched him while he stared at the cards. A huge grin spread over his face when he saw the first card, it spread even wider when he saw the second card, and it fell off his face when he saw the final card.

"Let me guess, you didn't win," Rose said.

She frowned when the Doctor glared at Mickey. He was taken aback.

"What? What'd I do?" Mickey said.

"I don't know how you did it, but I want the original card put back in here this instant, Smith."

"What? I never touched the cards," Mickey protested.

"Yes, you did. I just went through every possible combination, and I came up with a 99.99 percent probability that it was Miss Scarlet in the conservatory with the lead pipe. The fact that I'm wrong means someone has tampered with the folder."

"Well, why do you think it's me? Rose has been sitting here too!"

"Forget it, Mickey. The sore loser is upset because he got the .01 half of the percentage and got it wrong."

"I am not wrong. Now, one of you must have switched it while I was going to the loo or something."

"You haven't been to the loo. You've been sitting right here through the entire game," Rose said, angrily. "Now, quit blaming people for your mistake and accept you've lost. You are not infallible, Doctor."

The Doctor stared at her, intently. 

"You went to the loo earlier."

"Yeah, so? Are you gonna start blaming me now?"

"Yes, it's that Bad Wolf power you have in you. The Bad Wolf awakened while you were in the loo, and when Mickey and I weren't looking, it took the card out of the folder and put another one in its place."

"Go, Mickey, it's your turn," Rose said.

"I'm right, aren't I? The Bad Wolf came back while you were peeing and made you cheat!"

Mickey glanced at him and looked at Rose.

"Go, Mickey," she said, emphatically.

Mickey shrugged, picked up the die, and rolled. Both of them ignored the Doctor who sat back in his chair, sulking, as he muttered to himself about how cosmic entities can get away with cheating, and no one cared anything about it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay," Mickey said. "I'm gonna make a guess. I'll say it was Miss Scarlet in the conservatory with the candlestick."

He picked up the folder, opened it, and looked at the cards. Smiling triumphantly, he spread all three out in front of him.

"Yes! I won!" he said, pumping his fist in the air.

"With my help, and the Bad Wolf's cheating," the Doctor said.

"Doctor, for the last bleedin' time, the Bad Wolf did not appear while I was on the toilet. If it did, I'm sure it would do something a little more significant than switch the cards in the manila folder."

"I'm not so sure about that. Those cosmic entities are a crafty lot. They probably decided to embarrass me in front of my companions for a giggle."

"Yes, Doctor, that's exactly what it is. The gods and goddesses just sit around plotting ways to make you lose at board games," Rose muttered. "Anyway, before you get off on a huge ramble about it, let's just go ahead and pick out the next game, alright?"

"Alright, but I want you to keep a close eye on every game piece the entire time we are playing!"

"Yeah, I'll do that," Rose muttered.

The Doctor grinned at Mickey, as Rose got up and walked over to the stack of games. 

"Well, let's see… we have Monopoly, Scrabble, Twister, Operation, The Game of Life, Snakes and Ladders, Battleship, Trivial Pursuit, Scruples, Hungry, Hungry Hippo…"

She paused and pulled one of the games out of the stack. She turned it around and showed it to the Doctor.

"You have a Ouija board?" she said.

"I guess. Why, what is it?"

Rose smirked.

"You use this to contact ghosts and talk to them."

"Really? I wasn't aware that's what it was. Why would they put a thing like that in the game section?"

"Because it's fun. I had a friend who had one, and we'd have slumber parties when I was young and sit on the floor in her room and try to contact the dead."

The Doctor raised his eyebrow.

"Was this before or after you decided to give each other makeovers?" he asked.

"Do you wanna try it?" Rose said, ignoring him.

"Gee, I don't know. You wanna try it, Mickey, and see how many ghosts are floating around the TARDIS? Or, perhaps we'll get lucky and open up a portal to Hell and spend the rest of the night shoving demons back into it."

"I don't believe in that stuff. It's all a lot of rubbish," Mickey said.

"Yeah, I agree, actually," the Doctor said, nodding. "Nah, we don't want that. Pick something else."

Rose shrugged, set it down, and continued her search. 

"You have Scattergories, Sorry, and Melizonian Death Trap. I've never heard of that one."

She pulled it out of the pile and looked it over. It was a wooden box with Melizonian Death Trap etched on the top and sides. She showed it to Mickey.

"You ever see this game?"

"No, I haven't."

"That's probably because I picked it up during a visit to Melizonia," the Doctor said.

"Oh, well, no wonder I never heard of the thing. Is it a fun game?"

The Doctor shrugged.

"Your guess is as good as mine," he said. 

Rose looked at it for a moment.

"Um, I don't like the look of it. Somehow, an alien game with the words, Death Trap, in the title doesn't sound too inviting."

"Well, why don't we do the hippo one? That sounded interesting," the Doctor said.

Rose raised her eyebrows.

"You wanna play, Hungry, Hungry, Hippo?"

"Yeah, sounds like a fun game to me. Why, is it another divination tool disguised as a board game, and we'll end up contacting hungry, hippo spirits or something?"

"No, it's for kids."

"Well, both of you would be kids if you were living on Gallifrey, so it'll be perfect for you."

He giggled when Rose flipped him off. She pulled the game out of the stack, brought it over, and opened the box. She handed the instructions to the Doctor.

"Not much to the game, even I could tell ya what to do," she said. 

The Doctor smiled, as he read over the rules.

"I think I'll like this game a lot. It sounds really neat."

She laid the game out in the middle of the table and put the white balls in the center of it. 

"Um, I guess one hippo won't be used, then," she said.

All of them put their hands on the black levers on the back of the hippos.

"Okay, I count to three and we all go, alright?" Rose said.

The Doctor and Mickey nodded.

"Okay, 1…2…3!"

The three of them slammed their hands down on the levers, repeatedly trying to catch the white balls in the hippo's mouths. Rose caught the last ball with her hippo, and she and Mickey let up on the levers. They stared at the Doctor who was still working his lever with a gleeful grin on his face. 

"Um, Doctor, you can stop now," Rose said.

The Doctor ignored her, as he continued to work the lever and watch the hippo's neck move back and forth.

"Doctor!" Rose and Mickey said, in unison.

"What?"

"That's it! Stop! We have to count up the balls and see who won!" Rose yelled.

"Sod that! I just wanna make the hippo go!"

Rose and Mickey grabbed onto the table when it began to shake.

"Doctor! Quit! You're gonna knock the food off onto the floor!"

She grabbed his hand and forced it off the lever. The Doctor gave her a hurt look.

"I was having fun!" he said.

"You're gonna break the lever off, and then, you'll be upset because you can't play it anymore!" she said.

The Doctor sighed and sat back in his chair.

"Alright, fine, count up the balls then."

Rose and Mickey glanced at each other, grabbed the balls behind their hippos, and began to count them up. The Doctor leaned up, stared at his balls, and made a quick count.

"I have ten," he said, leaning back.

"I have eight," Mickey said, putting his balls back in the little holder.

"I have two. Doctor wins."

They gasped when the Doctor leapt up from his seat and nearly knocked the table over.

"Yippee! I win!" he yelled. 

"I'm so glad he did, actually," Rose whispered to Mickey. "I didn't want to hear more about the Bad Wolf cheating and making him lose."

"Same here," Mickey muttered back.

The Doctor grinned, as he looked down at the game. 

"This is a fantastic game! It is another example of human ingenuity! Hungry hippos, brilliant, just brilliant!"

He sat back down.

"I wanna play again!"

Rose and Mickey stared at him, terrified. 

"Um, let's play something else, Doctor," Rose said.

The Doctor pouted.

"I wanna play Hungry, Hungry, Hippo," he whined.

"No, we will play one round of each game. That way, we can play a bunch of different ones."

"Oh, alright, but we have to come back to this game eventually!"

Rose shot Mickey a look, while the Doctor moved the lever up and down and giggled at the hippo's neck moving back and forth. Rose quickly took the game away before he went insane and began rocking the table again. She put it back in the box and walked back to the pile. 

"How about a quiet game this time?" she asked.

She looked through the pile and looked back at the two men. 

"Let's play Scrabble next," she said.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Rose pulled the scrabble game out of the pile and laid it on the card table. She opened the box and handed the rules to the Doctor.

"Here you go," she said.

"Just a moment," the Doctor said, holding up his hand.

"You don't wanna play it?"

"No, I do. It's just that I had a brilliant idea."

Rose groaned. She glanced at Mickey.

"Oh no, why don't I like the sound of this?"

"It's nothing bad; I just thought we could order some pizza. You guys up for that?" the Doctor said.

"Sounds good to me," Rose said.

"Yeah, me too, 'cept how you gonna order it if you're in the TARDIS?" Mickey said.

The Doctor beamed.

"Leave that to me. Just let me know what you want and I'll handle everything else."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jackie lay on the sofa watching Eastenders on TV. It was a quiet night, a little rainy, but otherwise calm. She liked that. No aliens threatening her life, no Doctor to complicate things. Just an ordinary evening in front of the telly.

She looked over when she heard a knock on the door. Groaning, she slowly got to her feet.

"I'm comin'!" she yelled.

She opened the door and stepped back when she saw a young man standing outside her door holding two pizza boxes in his hands.

"I have a meat lovers and a pepperoni pizza for a John Smith?" he said to her.

"Um…no, there's no John Smith here," Jackie said.

The boy checked the address on the slip.

"Is this the correct address then?" he said, showing it to her.

Jackie looked at it.

"Yes, but there's no John Smith here. I'm Jackie Tyler. I don't even know a John Smith. So, you can take the pizzas back!"

"You don't want them?"

"Yes I would like them, but sadly, I'm running short on cash and I can't pay for them. So, just go away."

"Ma'am, are you sure there isn't a John Smith here?"

"Yes, I'm sure there's no John Smith…"

She paused when she heard a familiar wheezing sound coming from the living room.

"Oh bollocks, not him," she muttered.

Sighing, she put her hands on her hips and glared at the delivery boy.

"Well, off with ya! I told ya I didn't order that pizza!" she said.

"I did! Hold up!"

Jackie let out a grunt when the Doctor pushed past her. The boy looked at him.

"John Smith?"

"Yup, that's me, I'm John Smith," he said, nodding.

He noticed the confused look on his face, as he glanced at Jackie.

"Don't mind her, I just moved in today. Shotgun marriage with her daughter. She can't remember my name half the time, and I just ordered this pizza without her knowledge. Anyway, what do I owe ya?"

"Um…fifteen quid."

The Doctor reached into his pocket, pulled out three five-pound notes, and handed it to him. He took the pizzas off his hands, spun back around and grinned at Jackie.

"Evening, Jackie, fantastic night, bit rainy though. Thanks for answering the door and keeping the delivery boy here until the TARDIS landed. See ya later!"

He walked past her. Stunned, Jackie turned and watched as he opened up his TARDIS door and, whistling, went inside.

Jackie, fuming, slammed the door. She stomped over to the TARDIS, flung open the door, and went inside. She looked around at the empty console room.

"Alright, where are ya, Doctor?" she muttered.

"Eat up, guys!"

Jackie looked at the back door when she heard the Doctor's voice coming from it. Balling up her fists, she stomped towards it, determined to give the Doctor a piece of her mind.

She went through the back door and paused, taking in her surroundings. She had never been past the console room before. Curiosity replaced anger, and she slowly walked down the corridor following the smell of the pizza and the sound of the Doctor, Rose and Mickey's voices.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh yeah, this is great," Rose said, picking up a big slice of gooey, greasy pepperoni pizza and transferring it to a paper plate, "bless you for thinking of it."

"Well, you know, you can't have a proper party without some pizza," the Doctor replied, popping all the p's.

"How did you pick it up though?" Mickey asked, grabbing a slice of meat lovers, "they don't deliver in the vortex, do they?"

"No, they don't deliver in the vortex. I…made arrangements for the delivery guy to go to a certain address at a certain time, and I programmed the TARDIS to fly there."

"Really?" Rose said, "where did you tell the guy to go?"

"He told him to go to my front door!"

All of them spun around and saw Jackie standing in the game room doorway. Rose looked at her and then eyed the Doctor.

"You landed at mum's flat?" she said.

"Well…it was a good a place as any. I mean, I had to have an address, so I thought I'd use your mum's."

"And…she doesn't get anything after being disturbed?" Rose said, folding her arms over her chest.

"Um…weeeeeeeeeell, I suppose she can come in and eat with us," the Doctor said, sighing.

Rose looked at Jackie.

"Come in, mum, we have pizza, nachos, crisps, sodas, sandwiches. Help yourself."

"What are you guys doing?" Jackie asked, coming into the room.

"We are having a game night, Jackie," the Doctor said, "we're taking a break from all the monsters, playing some board games, eating, and having fun."

Jackie was taken aback at that.

"I had no idea you did anything like that," she said.

"Well, yes, we do take breaks from time to time," the Doctor replied.

Rose went up to her and gave her a big hug.

"Dig in, mum, we got enough food for an army."

Jackie hugged her back. She smiled at Mickey.

"You alright?" she asked.

"Yup, never been better."

Jackie noticed the board game on the card table.

"You're playing Scrabble?" she said to the Doctor.

"Yeah. Well, we haven't started yet. I felt like pizza, so I thought I'd order some."

He paused.

"Look, Jackie, I'm sorry if I bothered you."

"Nah, it's alright, any excuse to bring Rose back here is fine with me."

"You wanna play Scrabble with us, mum?" Rose asked.

Jackie glanced at the board while she picked up the paper plate.

"Nah, that's okay, you guys can play. I'll just get some food and go back to the living room."

"No, stay with us, mum. Sit on the sofa over there and relax," Rose said, putting an arm around her shoulder, "you don't have to leave and be out there all alone. The Doctor doesn't mind, do you?"

The Doctor shook his head.

"Nah, I don't mind. If you want, I can fetch a telly for you and…"

Jackie held up her hand.

"Nah, that's okay, I'd rather just listen to you guys having fun. I can watch telly anytime."

She looked around.

"'Sides, it's kinda interesting being in here. Ain't never been further than that control room of yours. How many rooms you got in this ship?"

"Not exactly sure, but I have a ton," the Doctor replied, "although, I really only use a handful of them regularly."

Jackie nodded. The four of them loaded up paper plates with food and poured sodas into Styrofoam cups. Jackie took her food over to the sofa and settled down into it.

"Ooo, very comfy," she said.

"You sure you don't wanna play, mum?"

"Maybe later, sweetie," Jackie replied, "I don't wanna get grease all over your game board, just go ahead and I'll watch."

Rose nodded. They settled down around the card table and munched on their food, waiting for the Doctor to finish reading through the rules, so they could begin the game.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Jackie chewed on her third slice of pizza while she quietly watched the game in progress. Already, she could see how exasperating it could be to play a board game with the Doctor. The man kept insisting on using alien words that Mickey and Rose didn't know and then defending what he was doing by saying that nowhere in the rules did it say that alien words couldn't be used.

He had tried it four different times and now he was trying again.

"But Hytom is a word, Rose!" he protested.

"Doctor, for the last time, you can't use words from other planets. Mickey and I don't know what it means."

"It's Alpha Centaurion. It means house!"

"Yes, but we don't know that, do we?" Mickey said.

The Doctor pointed at the door.

"Rose, go to the library, go to the right side, fifth bookcase. Go six rows up the bookcase and twenty books over and you'll find my Alpha Centauri dictionary. Fetch it and I'll settle this silly dispute once and for all."

"Doctor, you can't use alien words, full stop!" Rose protested.

"I can too!" the Doctor said, waving the rules in her face, "it says here, and I quote…"

He held the rules in front of his face and said in a loud voice…

"**A**ll words labeled as a part of speech (including those listed of foreign origin, and as archaic, obsolete, colloquial, slang, etc.) are permitted with the exception of the following: words always capitalized, proper nouns, abbreviations, prefixes and suffixes standing alone, words requiring a hyphen or an apostrophe."

He waved the rules in her face.

"Hytom is not capitalized, is not an abbreviation, a proper noun, a prefix, a suffix and it does not have a hyphen or an apostrophe in it. It says you can use words of foreign origin, Rose! I am completely in the right here and now, thanks to your error in interpretation, I've been forced to take back several words that would have given me a higher score than I have now. I capitulated on the last four words to keep you happy, but, by Rassilon, I'm putting my food down with hytom!"

He slammed the rules down on the card table, folded his arms over his chest, and stared at her, daring her to say something to the contrary.

Rose groaned and shook her head.

"I shoulda known it was a mistake to play this game," she said, to Mickey.

The Doctor raised his eyebrow.

"Why? Because I'm winning? Is that why it's a mistake, Rose? Because the alien can use his vast knowledge of alien languages to his advantage? Is that why you suddenly want to play something else now?"

"Doctor, we don't know these words!" Rose protested, "you can just put anything down on this board and say it's a word!"

The Doctor stood up and put his left hand over his right heart while he raised his right hand.

"I, the Doctor, swear that I will not cheat and use nonsensical words in the Scrabble board game. I swear on the seal of Rassilon that I will play this game fairly and not just pull things out of my arse in order to win and gain gloating rights over two humans. I will, however, gloat, hoot, and holler if I do win, but that is because I have played a legitimate game and have earned the right to do so. I, the last remaining Time Lord in existence, swear this, so help me, any god who happens to be listening."

He sat back down.

"Satisfied now, Rose?"

Rose sighed.

"Yeah, Doctor, whatever. Anything to keep ya happy is fine with me," she muttered, waving her hand around.

"Good!" the Doctor said, cheerfully.

He looked at the little point values on the tiles and added up his score.

"Ooo, I have 13 points from that, go me!" he said.

He wrote the number down under his name on a little pad of paper and looked at Rose.

"Now see, that word only bagged me 13 measly points, not a bazillion, which I figure is your greatest fear is about my using alien words. So, yes, there is a chance you and Mickey might still win, because after all, I have to draw the tiles and take what I get, same as you. Now, I believe it's your turn, so proceed."

He reached into the game box and took five new tiles while Rose studied hers. She looked from her tiles to the game board and back again. Then drew four and made the word, yell. Counting the value, she wrote 7 under her name and nodded at Mickey.

Mickey studied his tiles. A grin spread over his face.

_Okay._ He thought to himself. _Doctor can use alien words, so can I._

He picked up six of his tiles and set them down on the board. Using the L in yell, he spelled out, Lotorix. He sat back and gave the Doctor a smug grin.

"There ya go. I used six of my tiles in one go. Now, let's see how much I got from that--"

"Just a moment, Smith, you can't use that!" the Doctor said.

Mickey glared at him.

"Why? Because it's not a proper alien word?"

"Oh, it's a proper alien word, all right. But, it's a proper name, you can't use that."

Mickey was taken aback.

"You mean, I got something from that?" he said.

"Yes, you did. Unfortunately, you little stunt backfired because Lotorix is the name of the dictator on Loris Eleven. Sorry, Smithy, gotta follow the rules, you know, or Rose will give you a severe tongue lashing."

"You're lying! You just don't want me using a word you might use!" Mickey protested.

The Doctor sighed.

"Could you excuse me a moment, Rose? I'll be right back," he said, rising from his chair.

The Doctor returned a few minutes later, holding a large, leather-bound book in his hands. He sat down and silently turned the pages while everyone watched. Finally, he found the page he was looking for, got up, and handed the book to Mickey. He pointed to a paragraph.

"Read this paragraph out loud," he instructed.

Mickey glanced at Rose and then read…

"In the year of the double solar eclipse, 7463, the great one, Lotorix, seized control of the throne and declared himself Supreme Exaltedness of Loris Eleven. Lotorix then waged cruel and unjust war against the planets surrounding him and subjugated them to his will."

Mickey finished reading and looked at the Doctor.

"See, Lotorix is a proper name," he said, smugly.

"Sounds like a real asshole to me," Rose said.

"Yes, he was," the Doctor said, rising and taking the book from Mickey, "and his people thought so too. He was assassinated in less than a year."

He sat the book on a table beside the sofa and sat back down.

"Sorry, Smith, nice try. But, you can't use Lotorix," he said.

While Mickey took the tiles off the board, Jackie reached over and took the book. Curious, she opened it and began to read while she listened to the game.

Mickey paused a moment, studying the board, then put the T, O, and L down on the other side of the L he had used. He added up the values and the Doctor jotted it down.

While he grabbed three new tiles, the Doctor studied his. He smiled, grabbed three of them, and used the T in the word, talk, to make the word, tret.

"What's that mean?" Rose asked.

"It means friend. It's used on the planet, Valvanais."

He added up the value and noted it on the pad.

"Go, Rose," he said.

Rose studied her tiles. A smile spread over her face when she decided to try Mickey's tactic. Picking five tiles at random, she used the E in tret and spelled out, eoraxa. The Doctor looked at the word and feigned shock.

"Rose Tyler, shame on you. You kiss your mum with that mouth?"

He glanced over at Jackie who had looked up from the book.

"Why? What'd she spell out?" she asked.

"Yeah, what did I make?"

"Well, this is a Venusian word. A very, vulgar nasty one," he said, giving her an evil grin, "It…uh…refers to the vagina, except it's more equivalent to the slang word for it that starts with a C and ends with a T."

Rose's mouth dropped open.

"Young lady, that is not funny!" Jackie said, "you know better than to use something like that!"

"I didn't know what it was, mum!" she said, as the Doctor and Mickey roared with laughter, "I was just doing what Mickey was doing!"

"And you got a pornographic word on the first go, I'm impressed, Rose," the Doctor said.

His eyes sparkled with mirth.

"But, unlike Mickey-boy, you can use this, since slang words are allowed. So, bravo to you and your filthy mind."

Jackie shook her head.

"Crackers, all of ya," she said.

"Eh, it helps to be a little insane in an insane universe," the Doctor said to her, "besides, I can't complain since I'm doing the same thing."

"I'm just glad I don't travel with ya. I don't think I'd be able to stand it."

The Doctor started to say something, but quickly closed his mouth when Rose shot him a look. Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, he concentrated on playing the game.

They each took another turn, each one using an alien word. Both Rose and Mickey were chuffed that there were able to beat the Doctor at his own game. But, when Rose thought about it, she figured that with the universe being so vast, they had a very good chance of forming an alien word from any of the letters. Besides, she loved hearing the Doctor telling them what each word meant and where it came from. It was very interesting, especially since she had never found the game all that entertaining to begin with.

Another round of turns came and went, and it got back to the Doctor. He glanced at his tiles, looked at the board, and selected two of them. Using the Z in the word, zoo, he laid down the tiles and made the word, zit.

Mickey looked at it.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

The Doctor gave him a long, hard stare.

"Well, Smith, it is a slang word for facial acne and it comes from an obscure planet called Earth."

Rose snorted out laughter when Mickey turned beet red.

"I didn't realize that's what it was," he protested, "we've all been using alien words, now."

"Yes, Mickey, but this time I noticed I could make an Earth word, so I did so. Apparently, your brain wasn't quick enough to process that."

Mickey glared at the Doctor and Rose who were both giggling insanely. Jackie glanced at them, shook her head, and turned the page.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Finally, they reached the last of the tiles and could make no more moves. He looked at the pad and quickly added up the scores.

"Well, what'd ya know," he muttered.

"What, Doctor?" Rose asked.

The Doctor looked at Mickey.

"Congratulations, Mickey-boy, you won."

Mickey stared at him in disbelief.

"I won?" he said, "you mean I beat you?"

"Yes," the Doctor muttered under his breath.

Mickey let out a whoop and leapt out of his chair.

"Yes, I beat the Doctor at Scrabble!" he yelled.

The Doctor shot Jackie a dirty look when he heard her chuckling at that.

"Congratulations, Mickey, it's nice to know the Doctor can be beaten at something," she said.

"Speaking of someone who needs to be beaten," the Doctor muttered to himself.

Mickey sat back down, a proud smile spread over his face.

"Well, played, Smith," the Doctor said, politely, "congratulations. This was a great game. I'll have to make a note to keep it out, so we can play it again sometime. This whole build-a-word thing is the kind of challenge I like."

He smiled.

"So, what's next?" he asked.

Rose got up and went over to the games.

"Um, you guys wanna play Monopoly?" she asked.

The Doctor looked at Mickey.

"I don't care," Mickey said.

"Neither do I," the Doctor replied, "Monopoly it is, then."

He looked at Jackie.

"Want to join us for this one?"

Jackie shook her head.

"Nah, you go ahead, I'm reading this."

The Doctor stared at her.

"Can you even understand it?"

"Not really, no. I might just nip out and grab a couple of my books. That way I won't have to sit here and wonder who these people are and why they're conquering other planets."

"Suit yourself, we're gonna be here for awhile. I really don't fancy stressing the TARDIS out, making her fly needlessly when we're not going anyplace. She needs to rest and relax, also."

Jackie frowned.

"You're talking like this ship is alive."

"It is alive," the Doctor said, matter-of-factly.

Jackie's eyes widened. She jerked her head up at the ceiling.

"Oh my God, we're inside a living thing?" she said, "we're actually inside a living creature?"

"Yes, Jackie, calm down, the TARDIS won't eat us or anything," the Doctor said, rolling his eyes while Rose giggled, "you're safe. If you need to go back to get some books, the TARDIS can help you."

"How?"

"My ship can rearrange itself. If you go out the door, it'll make a direct path to the front door, so you can go out and come back here without getting lost."

Jackie was taken aback.

"It does that? Well, what's to stop this ship from doing that at random?"

"Nothing, really, the TARDIS does what she likes most of the time," the Doctor said, shrugging.

"You get used to it, mum. The TARDIS usually doesn't rearrange herself unless she has a good reason, though."

"Or unless she's in a silly mood," the Doctor added.

He held up his hands.

"But, she won't do that to you because she knows better. Just…go and get your books, Jackie. It's fine."

Jackie nodded. They watched while she walked out the door. Rose went to check and noticed that the TARDIS had walled in either side of the corridor and opened a long hallway straight to the console room. She smiled while she watched her mom walk directly to the front door. Then she turned and retrieved the Monopoly game from the pile.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"Ah! The game of human greed!" the Doctor said as Rose got out the board and unfolded it. "Always love to pretend I'm a greedy human and buy up properties that I can charge exorbitant rents on."

"You've played this before then?" Rose said.

"No, I just know what the gist of the game is," the Doctor replied.

He waited while Rose gave out money to everyone. The Doctor noticed Mickey arranging his money into separate piles and placing them under his side of the board with the ends sticking out. The Doctor did the same while Rose finished sorting out the cards and putting the dice on the board.

"Okay, who wants to be what?" she said, looking at the tokens. "I want the…"

She trailed off when she realized the tokens were completely different than the ones she was used to.

"What the hell is this? Where's the dog?" she asked as she held up a small pewter flying saucer.

"Oh! This is a special edition Monopoly board I got on Venus. The game is quite popular there now," the Doctor replied.

Rose glanced at the board and noticed for the first time that the properties were also different from the ones she was used to. She picked up the card for one of the yellow properties and read it aloud.

"Cragstix Towers?" she said.

"Yes, a moderately priced block of flats on the dark side of Venus," the Doctor said.

"Suddenly, I have a feeling this is gonna be an interesting game," Rose said to Mickey. "Okay, the tokens then are a spaceship, a…Venus flytrap thing, an alien with tentacles, a tiny spaceship, a planet, a ray gun and some sort of trophy."

"That is the Venusian Billabok Trophy," the Doctor said. "Billabok is a popular interplanetary sport and Venus prides itself on being able to hang on to the trophy year after year."

"Okay, well, what does everyone want then?" Rose asked.

"I'll take the Manna Manna," the Doctor said.

He giggled when Rose shot him a look as she thrust the handful of tokens at him. He smiled sweetly as he selected the Venus flytrap creature.

"I'll take the spaceship," Mickey said, taking it out of her hand.

Rose stared at the tokens and selected the ray gun.

"Ooo, the Venusian Hydro Death Gun, excellent choice," the Doctor said.

"Hydro Death Gun?"

"Yes, it shoots acidic water that begins to disintegrate the target on impact. Very nasty way to snuff it," the Doctor replied.

"If you say so," Rose said, putting her token on the starting square while the others did the same."

She had a sudden thought and looked over at the sofa.

"Mum isn't back yet? How long does it take for her to get a couple of books?" Rose said.

"Oh, you know, Jackie. A neighbor probably appeared at the door with a bit of juicy gossip and she's in her flat talking about how Angie is shagging Cedric or something like that. Don't worry about her, just start, whoever's gonna go first."

"Usually we'd roll the dice and the one with the highest number got to go first," Mickey said.

Rose rolled one die and got a four. Mickey went next and got a six. The Doctor rolled and got a five. They looked at Mickey as he took both dice and rolled them. He got a two and moved to the second purple property. He leaned his head over and looked at it.

"Cragsnox Waste Dump?" Mickey said.

"Oh yes, awful place, very scummy. That's where most of the council estates are at," the Doctor said.

"Do you want it?" Rose said, holding up the card for it.

"Yeah, might as well," Mickey said with a sigh. "I'm rubbish at this game so I might as well buy all the properties I can get."

They played on for another hour and to Rose's astonishment she was actually winning. So far, she had several of the high money properties and to the Doctor's chagrin he kept landing on them. It amused her whenever he landed on one and tried to get out of paying her money from his slowly dwindling pile of cash. He groaned when he landed on another one of her properties and Rose smugly held out her hand to him.

"Pay up, Doctor," she said.

The Doctor sat silent for a moment while Rose sighed.

"Pay…up," she said.

The Doctor held up his hands, palms towards her. Rose sighed again.

"Yes, Doctor, I know you think I'm mugging ya and taking you're hard earned money but…"

The Doctor silenced her with a hand over her mouth. He held up his hands again and as Rose and Mickey watched, he reached behind her ear, produced a one pound coin and laid it in her open palm before sitting back with a smug look on his face.

"Pay up, Doctor," Rose said.

The Doctor silently pointed out the coin and then sat back with the smug look on his face. His eyes bulged when Rose reached across and tried to grab the last of his money. She gasped when the Doctor smacked her hard on the back of the hand and gave her a stern look.

"You give me my money, git, or I'll smack ya across the face and then some!" Rose said angrily.

She tried to grab his money again and the Doctor smacked her hand even harder, gathered up his fake money, walked over to the sofa, threw it down on the cushion and sat on it with a defiant look on his face. Mickey howled with laughter when they heard him farting while he gave Rose an impish grin.

"Oh, you can have it now," Rose said while Mickey bent over laughing.

"No, no, Rose, fair is fair," he said, getting up and grabbing the money. "Here, here's your rent."

Rose jerked her body away from the money when he held it out to her.

"Get away from me with that!" she said.

"What's wrong, Rose, I thought you wanted your rent money," the Doctor said innocent as he tried to thrust the money in her face.

Rose jumped up from her seat and ran across the room while the Doctor pursued her.

"Wait, Rose, your rent!" he said, waving the bills in front of him while he gave chase.

"Get away from me!" Rose yelled as she ran around Mickey.

The Doctor ran around the other side of the table, throwing the money down by his chair when he went past it. He managed to grab Rose and drag her back to the sofa where they both fell into it in a heap. Rose cried out for Mickey to help her while the Doctor tried to press her head down onto the cushion.

"Help me, Mickey boy!" he said to Mickey.

"Don't you dare!" Rose said as Mickey jumped up and ran over.

"That's it, hold her down. Lay on her!" the Doctor said to Mickey.

He hopped up as Mickey flung his body over Rose. Rose tried get up and yelled when the Doctor squatted down slightly so his ass was over her face and he let out an enormous watery fart.

"OH YES!" the Doctor yelled triumphantly.

"Damn it, you arse! I'm gonna get ya for that!" Rose said, hopping up when Mickey got off her.

The Doctor and Mickey sprinted away and ran out of the room while Rose yelled curses at them and vowed revenge. She walked over to her chair, sat down and waited for them to return. While she waited, she suddenly realized that her mother hadn't returned yet. Worried about her, Rose decided to go see if she stayed in the flat and got up and left the room in search of her.


End file.
